Remember Our Heros and Heroines

I want to begin by stating that I am a fan of committed parenting. It is what I became accustomed to growing up in W. Phila in a semi rough neighborhood with a diverse income structure, taste, style, habits, and fashion. Families were different and they went about their business in a variety of ways, they had their own look taste in cars, some were professionals and some were laborers and God bless those that had, “good government jobs. Security was the goal of most for their children spouses and extended family, blood and non blood. However with all of the diversity there were standards that each family was expected to meet particularly as it concerned social behavior and decorum, education, respect for the experienced and for life. We were expected to behave in a certain way and when we did not there was consensus among the web of adults. There was an ever present web of protection and direction that guide us through the maze of opportunity and challenges we faced daily. Parent/adults were present, on the porch, in the playground, on the stoop, he school yard. They seemed to be everywhere and the message was consistent even among the so called characters that inhabited every community. On the porch before the street lights came on, no cursing or swearing, respect others property, go to school, don’t bring anything home you could not account for how you acquired it, respect your elders no matter what. I am not saying no one broke the rules we all did at some point but the idea was you had to pay a penalty for that and the consequences where immediate with definitive impact on your decision making at the next opportunity to cross the line.
Our community had standards and parents had a communication network that was very effective despite the lack of technology. No cell phones, e-mail, instant messaging, video cameras and with pay phones, word of mouth, and carrier pigeon they were attentive, aware and applied their standards consistently no matter of your status in the community you were expected to meet a standard. These qualities are no longer present in our communities and we suffer because of it. Let’s be clear the majority of parents maintain standards for the selves and their family but they collective collaborative consensus of the community is no longer present. So we are left with those families who have had the opportunity to strengthen themselves passing on and being able to guide their children through the morass of challenges and negative opportunity with minor disruption but ultimately able to achieve their goal. However the outcome for the flawed parent/family is much different and it is directly related to the lack of relationship within the community. The strong grow stronger and move on abandoning the less capable left to struggle alone without the reliable, stable, role model, mentor and friend that lived next door.

Next: 2 examples (Logan/Olney, Parenting classes then and now)